The Trad-Wife Myth: When Dictionaries Start Defining Your Marriage

I couldn't help but wonder: when did Cambridge Dictionary start letting social media influencers write their definitions?

This week, they officially added "trad-wife" to their lexicon, defining it as "a married woman, especially one who posts on social media, who stays at home doing cooking, cleaning, etc., and has children that she takes care of."

Especially one who posts on social media.

Let that sink in for a moment.

Apparently, the legitimacy of your domestic life now depends on your Instagram aesthetic and your willingness to perform it for strangers online because nothing says "traditional values" like hashtagging your sourdough starter for validation.

The Day I Became "That Bitch"

Let me tell you about the moment I realised that some women can't handle other women refusing to choose a lane.

I was 33, a year into my marriage, and had just returned to work in a senior corporate role. The team was all female, and honestly? The constant moaning and complaining was exhausting. But I kept trying to find my place.

Then one day, a male colleague pulled me aside with some illuminating workplace gossip.

"I heard Sadie called you a bitch today," he said casually.

"Really?" I was genuinely confused. I barely remembered speaking to her that morning.

"Yeah, she came to my office in tears. I asked her what her issue was with you." He paused, clearly enjoying the drama. "She said it wasn't what you said, it was because she found out you had kids."

I stared at him. "Come again?"

"You see," he continued, "Sadie was always bothered by you because you're killing it work-wise, you're attractive, well put together, and look glamorous every day. It made her insecure. But she could make her peace with it because she thought you were just one of 'those' women."

"One of 'those' women?"

"Yeah, the ones who wake up every morning thinking only about themselves, just career, no other responsibilities. And now you've shattered that illusion because you're doing it all: work, husband, and kids."

I stared at him. "How sad."

Then I couldn't resist: "It's a good job she doesn't pop round for a cup of tea then, because she'd really lose her mind. The floors shine the kitchen and bathrooms always have an undertone of ed de bleach, there's never an item out of place, the fridge is fully stocked, and there's a homemade meal every night. Oh, and my son gets a cooked breakfast most mornings before school."

His jaw dropped. Sadie's worldview, it seemed, had some serious cracks. What was ironic was that Sadie had made so many judgments about me and gotten herself upset, when the reality would have depressed her even more.

The 24-Hour Truth (Or: How to Be a "Super-Wife")

Here's the thing: I've always subscribed to the "there are 24 hours in a day, it's how you use them" school of thought.

I pride myself on three things: being an exceptional wife, being the best mother I can possibly be, and being phenomenal at my job. Like any good business strategist, I picked three objectives, prioritised them, and played to my strengths and yes, I brought in help where needed. Revolutionary concept, I know.

But focusing on those three also meant I wasn't the most available daughter, the most consistent friend, or the woman hitting the gym every morning. I chose what mattered most in that season, and I was unapologetically strategic about it.

That still meant getting up at 5am if I needed to be in the office for 8am, so there was time to throw in a wash, hoover, mop the floors, and leave the kitchen immaculate before I walked out the door looking like I had my life completely sorted

And here's the kicker: it takes 20 minutes max to throw an outfit together and do hair and makeup. Twenty minutes.

Meanwhile, Sadie was arriving at work looking like she'd been dragged through a hedge backwards, often sporting what appeared to be breakfast on her jacket. But sure, I was the problem.

Since Cambridge Dictionary is apparently in the business of creating new wife categories, let me offer a suggestion:

super-wife

/ˈsuː.pə.waɪf/ noun

1. A married woman who simultaneously maintains a thriving career, an orderly home, and a loving family, without needing a hashtag to validate it.

2. A woman who rejects false binaries and chooses her own mix of domestic, professional, and personal priorities.

3. (informal, humorous) Any wife who seems to have found extra hours in the day that mere mortals cannot locate.

Example: "She prepped a client presentation, ironed school uniforms, and baked a cake before 8 a.m. Total super-wife."

The Real Problem with Dictionary Definitions

So Cambridge Dictionary thinks we need to legitimize traditional domestic roles by tying them to social media performance? I have several issues with this approach.

First: let's not pretend domestic life started with hashtags. Women have been raising families, running households, and holding communities together for centuries. By tying the definition to social media, Cambridge reduces all of that history to an aesthetic trend.

Second: if we're defining "traditional wives" by their online presence, what message are we sending to younger women? That womanhood is either boardroom or sourdough starter content? That the only legitimate way to live traditional values is to perform them for an audience?

And third: where exactly do women like me fit in this newly official taxonomy? I do all the elements Cambridge attributes to a "trad-wife" and then some. But I also built a successful corporate career and now run my own business. Am I a defective trad-wife? A confused career woman? Or am I simply a complex human being who refuses to be categorised by people who think hashtags equal authenticity?

The Evolution Question

As a relationship coach, one of the most important things I work on with clients is helping them understand that healthy relationships aren't built on static definitions; they're built on the ability to adapt and grow together.

I've worked with women who started as stay-at-home mothers and later launched businesses. I've coached couples where the husband became the primary caregiver, while the wife pursued her career dreams. I've seen partners take turns supporting each other's ambitions, shifting roles fluidly as life demanded.

None of these beautiful, complex evolutions fit neatly into Cambridge's new definition. And that's exactly the point.

What fascinates me is how many of my clients start our work together feeling trapped by roles they chose five or ten years ago. They've built an identity around being "the career woman" or "the devoted mother" and feel like changing course somehow betrays who they're supposed to be.

But relationships thrive when both partners feel free to evolve. The woman who gives up her career to raise children should feel empowered to return to work when she's ready. The executive who prioritises her career in her twenties should feel supported if she wants to shift focus to family later.

Meanwhile, Cambridge Dictionary is out here suggesting that traditional wives are "especially" the ones posting about it online. Because apparently, if you're not hashtagging your domestic bliss, you're just not trying hard enough.

The Historical Reality Check

Here's something delicious: historians like Rachael Lennon point out that the idealised 1950s housewife image was largely constructed by marketing narratives and didn't reflect earlier or global norms. The notion of a "traditional wife" has always been both narrow and misleading.

Even the basic dictionary definition of "wife" has remained remarkably stable: "the woman that you are married to." It's the social and cultural context that's evolved, not the fundamental concept.

So not only is Cambridge Dictionary legitimising a social media trend, they're legitimising a social media trend based on a marketing myth from 70 years ago. Outstanding work, academics.

What This Really Means for Women

Here's what really bothers me about this whole "tradwife" phenomenon: if Cambridge says a traditional wife is "especially" the kind who posts online, what message does that send about the rest of us?

Does that mean women quietly running homes, running companies, raising kids, and showing up for their marriages without an audience are somehow less legitimate? Less important? Less worth noticing? Because last time I checked, a successful career, a spotless kitchen, and a thriving family don't need an Instagram filter to make them real.

And if this is the example we're giving younger women that a "traditional wife" is only the one with perfect lighting and a curated feed, then we're seriously limiting their options. We're telling them that womanhood is either boardroom or sourdough starter, when in reality, there's a whole spectrum in between.

The "super-wife" who juggles both, the woman who evolves her role quietly over time, the couple who creates something entirely unique, they're all just as valid. But they're invisible in a world that only legitimises what gets posted.

The Bottom Line

Sadie's real issue wasn't with me. It was with her assumption that success must fit into neat categories: either career woman or homemaker, never both. She couldn't conceive that someone might excel at multiple things because she'd bought into the false binary that says you must choose one lane and stay in it forever.

And Cambridge Dictionary, in its own way, echoes that same false binary. But here's what I know as a relationship coach: the strongest partnerships I see are those where both people feel free to evolve, to try new roles, to support each other's growth, even when that growth doesn't fit neatly into dictionary definitions or social media categories.

For every woman hashtagging her homemade bread, there are countless others quietly living their values without fanfare. For every woman who's told she can't have it all, there's someone proving that "having it all" isn't about perfection or performance, it's about intention, priorities, and the audacity to refuse other people's limitations.

And for every couple trying to figure out who does what in their relationship, there's an opportunity to create something uniquely theirs, with or without Cambridge Dictionary's approval.

So whether you're a "trad-wife," a "super-wife," a career woman, or something beautifully indefinable, here's to building relationships that support your growth, not your personal brand.

Because the last time I checked, love didn't require a hashtag.

I'm Helena, The Relationship Architect, former corporate executive, business owner, domestic goddess and proud believer that women don't need Cambridge Dictionary's permission to live complex, fulfilling lives. I help people build relationships that support their whole authentic selves, not just the parts that look good online.